Well I don’t know about you but if I read another Pinterest article titled Twelve Tips for Taking Insanely Great Travel Photos: Number 5 Will Blow Your Mind!!! I’m going to barf all over my cheap-ass digital camera.
I have a more unique skill, one that doesn’t even require three exclamation points: I take terrible travel photos.
Here are some tips for sucking at travel photography—feel free to post to Pinterest:
- Let’s start this lesson out easy: frame an attractive location with an interesting perspective and then go ahead and ruin your composition by sticking in a random appendage—your husband’s hand will do if no other limbs are available.
- If you’re fond of train travel and you’re the type of person who laughs at signs, why not take a series of pictures of signs from inside moving trains? Nope, you’ll never, ever get a clear shot, but don’t let that stop you from trying.
Okay, this next lesson is hard, because without an unrelenting juvenile sense of humor, you won’t have the stamina, but hey, I have faith in you.
- While traveling, go out of your way to take pictures of things that look like boobs.
You know; hills, domes, architectural details—just anything really.
Channel your inner 12 year old boy……that’s right, you’ve got it now!
- Here’s a lesson from my darling husband HOB: avail yourself of every possible opportunity to take stealth photographs of your wife’s bottom. Bypass any scenic views that cost you lots of $$$ and many hours on an airplane to experience and instead fill the camera with images of a butt forever clad in the same pair of grey traveling pants.
- Find yourself in a gorgeous city, one with a UNESCO World Heritage protected landmark? Swivel your camera away from the lovely scene and find a traffic island with a boring public sculpture and click away.
- Now let’s say your spouse is desperately afraid of heights and you’ve just climbed a steep tower to get a nice view. I would not recommend pretending to take a photo of this nice view while secretly capturing a image of your spouse’s terrified expression because that’s just plain mean spirited.
- You know what’s also mean spirited? Taking a photo of your wife trying really hard to ignore a decapitated pig head hanging next to her on a sidewalk. I think we can all agree here that decapitated pig heads are a disturbing subject for travel photos.
- Propping up the Leaning Tower of Pisa, squishing the pyramids = classic bad travel photography.
- This final tip comes from the heart: take pictures of really bad art. Yeah, HOB and I have traveled to see the world’s best art in person, but who needs another photo of a Michelangelo? A true connoisseur can locate a hidden painting of a whale blowing snot rockets onto a robed figure making jazz hands. And if that painting is inside a church with a strict “no photography” policy? No worries—she will quickly snap a blurry photo while giggling uncontrollably because she is a bad travel photography genius.
You can suck it, Pinterest.