If there was Venn diagram of things I can’t get enough of: Byzantine architecture, Western art history and Sears catalogs from the 1980’s, The Basilica of San Vitale in Ravenna would be right in that sweet spot where they come together.

It was built 540 in a double octagonal Byzantine-stye design that was all the rage in Constantinople at the time.

And yeah, it is a super building but what we’re all lining up for is inside.

Behind the marble columns with their funky, split capitals: the mosaics.

Gahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

Look up. Lots of build up of floral and fauna for a wee Byzantine lamb (he’s the lamb of God).

(Seriously, people, how did they put all these mosaics up there in the 6th century?)

The general layout, below the lamb of God, is Old Testament stories, Jesus and angels with secular figures sprinkled in, and important contemporary people. Some against a gold background and the rest against a green background.

These angels are spinning the sun.

Up in the apse, there’s beardless Jesus playing a tambourine, sitting on the world. He’s flanked by a couple of headband-wearing angels. On the left is St. Vitale, who the church is named after. On the right Ecclesius, Bishop of Ravenna, who had the church built.

The baguette-shaped pink and blue clouds seem weird, but I’ve seen less stylized versions of these from the balcony of my new apartment.

Don’t you love the variety of wildflowers around their feet in those delicate sandals?

Ecclesius is like “Check me out, I’m holding a model of San Vitale”.

Now, on to the Old Testament. Here’s Abel busting out of his ye olde rustic hut in his animal skin tunic, which clashes with his red cape. He’s holding up a lamb to sacrifice to God—do you see his holy hand coming down from the stripey sky?

What a ferocious lion! Grrrrr…I’m soooooo scared.

Hello, my name is Thaddeus.

There are lovely decorative details everywhere, like this cool octopus design.

A turtle and a crane next to a bin full of scrolls.

If you can tear your eyes away from the walls and ceiling, the floors are gorgeous too.

On either side of the apse are my favorite mosaics: portraits of the Emperor and his entourage.

Justinian is in the center. He’s an Emperor, so it’s kind of weird that he has a halo, but he’s like single-handedly holding off the dark ages at this point, so we’ll allow it. Plus his friends have nice hair styles.

The best for last—the smart, the powerful, the fashion icon: EMPRESS THEODORA. She was an actress and quite possibly a prostitute, in other words disreputable AF and now look at her, an Empress who used her status to create laws protecting women’s rights. Go ahead and wear that halo, you earned it.

I love love love love love this mosaic. Theodora and her entourage are coming out of the naturalism of the art of the Roman era, looking like real people. I want to hang out with them and learn to artfully drape a cloak before heading out to wax our unibrows and dismantle the patriarchy.

Sears Catalog 1985 in the Style of a Byzantine Mosaic, by the Wife of Bath

When I was a kid I was obsessed with the Sears Catalog. In the 1980’s I’d pore through it, imagining myself in all the outfits, laughing at the men posing with their t-shirts tucked into their underwear while holding out a coffee cup. After seeing the mosaics in San Vitale the first time, I was reminded of these catalogs—I’m not exactly sure why. Probably the way the figures became iconic to me and the rigid glamour of the fashion, longed for but out of reach.

The paintings I made at the time, combining the iconic forms of Ravenna’s Byzantine mosaics and vintage Sears catalog fashions, never made much sense to anyone but me. But I stand by them still, a salute to you, my badass Empress of Byzantine art history: darling Theodora.

How we got to Ravenna: train from Mantua.

Where we slept: Il Cielo in Una Stanza. Price: € 101 for an apartment. Recommended? Yes.