In early days of Christianity, right after the edict of Milan in 315, the mosaic artists of the Basilica di Santa Maria Assunta in Aquileia faced a challenge: they wanted to depict a whale on the floor of the basilica. The problem was, none of them had actually seen a whale in real life. So how what they ultimately imagined what a whale looked like…well that remained a mystery for hundreds of years.

Those mosaic artists got to work on an elaborate floor, here in the far northeast corner of Italy, a stone’s throw from Slovenia.

Like most early houses of worship, the Basilica was rebuilt and modified several times. In the Romanesque era, they thought it would be a good idea to cover up the tile floor and everyone forgot about the original floor until, in 1901, this was discovered underneath:

Gah!

As someone who has worked for decades in cultural spaces, I get a kick out out the continuity of ancient practices in present day, including dedication plaques and donor walls. Here’s a Latin dedication to Bishop Theodore.

And of course, the ultimate donor-blowing initiative: the donor portrait.

The animal life on the Basilica is charming and, at least in the case of the turtle and the rooster, symbolic: the turtle represents the darkness of sin, while the rooster is Christ, the light of the world.

I enjoyed the variety of aquatic life depicted, although—after the octopus and the angry fish—I wasn’t quite sure how to identify all of them. That one in the middle is an…undersea vagina?

Casting down their nets among the sea creatures, I spied these avidly fishing…naked angels?

Check out this dude, reclining odalisque-style under some hanging squash. (Whenever I fly Lufthansa and the flight attendant pulls the curtain across first class to cut off the view, I imagine all the German men up there reclining semi-nude in their lie-flat seats just like this).

Now here’s the masterpiece of the Basilica’s floor mosaic: Jonah and the Whale or Jonah and the Loch Ness Ostrich?

Did I mention that the Basilica is a UNESCO site?

While nothing in the Basilica could be as fascinating at the Loch Ness Ostrich, this small chapel called Santo Sepolcro from the 11th century comes close. The chapel serves as a mini pilgrimage site, so if you didn’t have the means to travel to Jerusalem, a stop into this mini-Jerusalem was an acceptable proxy.

How I got to Aquileia: day trip from Udine by bus.

Where I slept: Mercatovecchio.  Price: €170 for a room with a kitchenette.  Recommended: yes