I needed a bit of cheering up today so I decided to research my end of year blog stats on the WordPress admin site. I ignored the numbers and charts and went right to the juicy part: search terms. These words and phrases that curious web searchers type into their search engines never fail to restore my faith in humanity.
I proudly present to you the actual search terms used to find Picnic at the Cathedral:
- screw in penis
- naked seventy year old women
- post this sign on church refrigerator
- nude pictures with hair water flips
- women pee in bath
- please grab me some beautiful vary naked naked naked naked naked naked naked women
- boob set off metal detectors
- i love canned frosting
I think we can all agree I succeeded in reaching my blog’s ideal audience in 2016.
2016 was also a fine year for travel giggles. For example:
This display of shiny hand rails was randomly paced in the center of a sidewalk in Shkoder, Albania. As it was totally without context and didn’t appear to be attached to a business enterprise, HOB and I approached it as a profound work of public art.
As we don’t care to appear on YouTube performing body functions, we did not pee on any UFOs in Tirana.
A conference this summer brought me to Mount Vernon, where my BFF George Washington and I exchanged travel tips.
Unidentified Flying Dental Care in Tirana. (Um, what’s with the UFO theme in Albania anyway?)
At last I found the food of my people in Albania. Make that one Fancy Mania please.
American themed junk food also reigns supreme in the Republic of Georgia—like this delicacy from a Tbilisi supermarket—and it makes me feel so patriotic. I mean sure, my country may have just elected a racist bully, but hey as long as the rest of the world keeps associating us with hot dog flavored chips and Chicago burgers we’re at a net win, right?
Oh Munich, your pictographs wear the best Fedoras.
And finally, my funniest travel memory from 2016: this unfortunately named Albanian gas station chain. HOB and I were celebrating 20 years together during this trip and I knew for certain I had married the right man because every one of the dozens of times we passes a Kastrati sign and I made a joke about testicles, 18th century tenors, or talked in a high squeaky voice, HOB laughed, every single time.
Picnic at the Cathedral 
LOL. Love those search terms, though it is a bit scary. Not sure you would want any of those searchers to follow your blog. 🙂 Wonder what the person who loved canned frosting wanted to do with it! Your post gave me a chuckle.
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I really want to meet the “please grab me some beautiful vary naked naked naked naked naked naked naked women” searcher…..
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Really enjoyable read as always.
I can assure you that none of the search terms were ones that I used to find your blog but I kind of wish I had used “I love canned frosting”!
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I just googled “i love canned frosting” and didn’t come up with anything salacious. though it does seem to be a trending topic on Pinterest. We are advised to put it in the microwave and pout it over the cake. Will such wonders never cease in 2017!
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So very jealous of the search terms which lead to your blog. The best I can do is “men dressed as women in public” and the enigmatic “75/300 the courtesan”. Not a patch on yours, I’m afraid.
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On the contrary “75/300 the courtesan” is a search term to boast of. It may even make a great blog name!
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Oh that is so funny, in fact I nearly choked to death, as I have the most horrendous cold……. and I laughed, which brought on a coughing fit, a mother of one, ha ha alright now, it was so worth it. I can’t not believe some of phases people put down to find things…..the mind just boggles. Anyway I hope you are feeling better, I just have to go and wipe the tears away 🙂
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Please do not choke blosslyn, I don’t want to be responsible for the death of a mother of one…..The best part about these search terms is that for people to successfully use them to find my blog, it means those search terms are actually part of my blog content. As many searchers have poor spelling and appear to be bizarre and lecherous, well, that means I am bizarre and lecherous too. WELCOME MISPELLERS WITH DIRTY MINDS. YOU ARE MY PEOPLE.
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Ha ha, I just have boring ones, might have to spice my posts up a bit, its just so funny, thanks for the cheer up again 🙂
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This is such a good laugh! I didn’t know I could check out the search terms, I’m off to have a go this minute.
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Hope you find something salty in there!
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HAHAHA! Thank you, as always for the hilarity!
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Thanks as always for your support Tricia. Wishing you a lovely and hilarious 2017!
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Always enjoy traveling with you. Best to you and HOB in 2017.
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May you find much beautiful stained glass in 2017 bappel2014!
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Fantastic! My site’s search terms generally come up as ‘unknown’, probably for the best given what you’ve found. Wishing you many happy and hilarious travels in the year to come.
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Same to you, oh mistress of the unknown!
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Very funny. 🙂
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That Kastrati sign gets me every time…… 😉
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What a riot !.
Can’t stop howling.Cheers and happy trails.
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Hey, keep that howling down, you’re scaring my cat!
😉
Happy trails to you too, sidran..
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